Another day, another laugh.....(part 1)

Get married
James : I've been asked to get married lots of times.
Tom : who asked you?
James : Mum, dad, grandpa, grandma.

Wonder Why
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. when a twenty-year married couple smiles,everyone wonders why.



Male Companionship
Here's an ad that a friend purportedly spotted from 'the Atlanta Journal'. It was said to have a numerous responses:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeking male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walk in the woods, riding in your pick-up truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter night lying by the fire. Candlelight dinner will have me eating out of your hand.Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door you get home from work wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and im yours. Cal xxx-xxx-xxx and ask for Dixie.
(Over 200 MEN found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. True stories)

Nothing on
Tom : my girlfriend watched TV with me last night with nothing on.
Jerry : Wow! Why the hell did you two get butt-naked for?
Tom : THE DAMN TV BROKE DOWN, THERE WAS NOTHING ON.

Comfortable Panties
John's girlfriend had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly. She asked him to bring a few item from home. One item on the list was "comfortable panties". Worried he made a wrong choice, he asked, " How will i know which 1 to pick?"
" Hold them up and imagine them on me. If you smiel, put them back".

Handsome young man
Jenny was sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work chat with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare, and walked directly to her. Before she could do anything, he leaned over and whispered, "ill do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for rm20-on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. he replied "you has to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".

She reach into her purse, removing rm20, which she pressed into the young man along with her adress. Looking deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully whispered...

"Clean my house".

Anonymous

"every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government".

"my wife and i were happy for 20years. Then we met each other".

"my husband asked for a hot breakfast. So iset fire on his Chee Cheong Fun".

"women claim that they never pursue a man. Well, by the same token, a mousetrap never pursues a mouse, but the end result is the same".

Clean Mind

Q : Whose mind is cleaner? Men or women?
A : Women. She changes it all the time!

Communication

Couples who have lived together for a long time have their own way of communicating. A friend heard them one day.

"What are you looking for in the cupboard?" She asked.

"Nothing." he answered.

"Well, its not in there. Look under the bed."

Discussion Technique

" A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."