Relationship

Well i believe nobody will believe that at my age till today i never date with anyone before or in another word i never found my another half. All my friends had go through relationship before but i just don't know why i just can't fall in love with anyone. Most of the time, it's just the admire or crush feeling but never have the fall in love or first sight love feeling. Till recently my father, will ask me such question 'boy or girl' and 'from which country', when i told him about my friends. He never ask me such question till recently and drop me hint that its time for me to find my another half. My relative been asked about my relationship issue since i attended college but their are wondering why till today i still didn't bring any girl back home to told my parent that that's my another half. I'm the younger in the family and i am the only one whom doesn't bring any girlfriend or boyfriend going home and i hardly invite friends come to my house as well.

I think maybe there is some issue occur which it hurt my feeling till today ever myself don't know what is the problem. I believe should be that matter which still had the scar in my heart which is not yet recovery and at the same time i still not yet ready to forget it and put it down aside. Maybe that's the reason why i am not ready in relationship. I don't want jump into relationship just to fulfill someone dream and i think it's unfair for myself and that person as well.  

I still remember 5 yrs ago, someone actually express his feeling to me but i had reject him because on that time i had the same feeling as what i had at the moment which is i am not ready for any relationship. I really don't know why till today i just can't accept anyone and it seem like i am trying to deny something which myself also don't what is the reason.

After 5 yrs, we finally meet again and he asked me what's the reason i can't accept him. Well i really don't have any particular answer to give him accept i am not ready for relationship. But it's seem like that answer doesn't make sense for him and i can feel that he can't accept my answer. However its good that at least he is no stop on that time and continue with his life which i am happy on behalf of him.

Well i think it's time for me really sit down and figure out my problem. Sometime i am just wondering maybe i born without that sense of falling in love with people. Maybe that's a part of my life and i should face it. Whatever personally i think relationship just give more harm than good to us. It's like contribute another issue that we need to face since we already have so many others issue that we need face in our daily life.

What's the idiom that Chinese people say to thus people who is heartless? But i think i am not belong to that category since at least i know i am not ready for any relationship therefore i wouldn't jump into relationship with anyone which link to my previous post which said 'SINGLE BUT UNAVAILABLE'.